Top Five Disneyland Rides

Every year of my post-toddler childhood in California, I relished going to Disneyland. After moving to Minnesota, my family would sometimes fly back to L.A. in the summer, and the primary object of my whining was to get to Disneyland. When I took a marching band trip to Disney World in high school, I wished I was at Disneyland instead.

Disneyland is the authentic amusement park. Even today, when driving between Orange County and L.A., the Matterhorn looms over the freeway and beckons with promises of adventure.

Stay at Disneyland all day -- no trip is complete without collapsing exhausted at a table in some overpriced cafe as the clock approaches midnight. And then stumble down to the man-made lake next to the Haunted Mansion for the overhyped laser light show. I remember canoeing on that body of water. Instead of productively paddling, I just splashed my parents.

After going on every classic ride a countless number of times, here's my well-ruminated list of favorites (which I can't limit it to five this time):

8. Disneyland Railroad: I love hopping aboard the park's steam locomotives and traveling back in time to the Primeval World of Mesozoic monsters. One of the original rides from 1955, it has remained a popular attraction and mode of transportation around Disneyland ever since.

7. Space Mountain: I used to think this was the scariest a roller coaster could get, especially since the harness didn't fasten my first time on it. An original score was written for the ride when it opened in 1977 -- Dick Dale was brought in to play surf guitar riffs for the part after you crest the first big hill. The score was based on the "Aquarium" movement of Saint-Saens's "The Carnival of the Animals."

6. Storybook Land Canal Boats: The best part of this often underrated ride is the intricate detail included in its scenic miniatures. To quote Wikipedia, "The houses in Storybook Land are fitted with six-inch doors and quarter-inch hinges that open and close, so the Disney electricians can change the lightbulbs." Unlike "It's a Small World," this ride doesn't attempt to awe with pastel overload and a catchy tune.

5. Autopia: As a young car enthusiast, this was a highlight of my Disneyland hajj. What makes Autopia most enthralling to its young and unlicensed drivers is the deceptive amount of freedom granted at the pedal (the vehicles' top speed is only 6.5 miles per hour).

4. Mad Tea Party: In my family, the teacups are a father-son bonding experience. My mother refuses to ride for reasons alluded to in the above picture. I love cranking on that central turntable with all my might, although the craft seem to exhibit an invariable maximum rotational velocity.

3. The Haunted Mansion: Jam-packed with macabre nuance, this Disneyland staple funnels guests through intricate optical illusions. An octagonal room initially drops you to the main level of the ride (the haunted house is nothing but a facade). But instead of going down, it looks like the walls are elongating up. On one wall panel that I distinctly remember, a dainty damsel dances a tightrope above a pit of hungry crocodiles. Another panel depicts three gentlemen stacked atop each other in a pool of quicksand. The Haunted Mansion's most enjoyable feature is its mix of humor and horror. In one section of the journey, one occupant of your Doom Buggy vehicle will appear in an illusory portrait alongside a caricatured ghostly manor lord.

2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Your pirate bark sails the seven seas and drops over two waterfalls in this classic flume ride. My favorite part of the voyage comes when the craft is caught in a barrage of broadsides and swept beside a rowdy Caribbean tavern broadcasting the memorable "Yo Ho" theme song. According to Wikipedia, one gluttonous rogue bespeaks such lines as, "Me belly be feeling like galleon with a load of treasure," and "I be looking for a fine pork loin, I be."

1. Mr. Toad's Wild Ride: This ride tops my list due to its cohesive plot, unpredictable path, and variety of environments ranging from Toad Hall to Hell, all while you're seated in a spiffy old car. At certain points, different groups in different cars appear to almost crash. Perishing after collision with a train, punishment for your recklessness is quickly forthcoming, but Disney's divine intervention brings you back to the entrance of Mr. Toad's entropic abode. Could it be that the common thread of my top three rides is dark comedy, their ability to impart a sense of vicarious villainry?