Monday, December 31, 2007

The Cauceyed State

This Thursday the Iowans caucus. That arcane communal ritual may decide who squares off in the November presidential elections. Most of the candidates have focused on winning the Hawkeye state. All of their destinies hinge on the outcome.

Those candidates who did not establish an early lead in Iowa faced two fates: stagnation or surge. Initially undecided Democratic caucusgoers have sided with the three initial frontrunners -- Obama, Clinton, and Edwards. Richardson, Dodd, Biden, and the other trivial candidates have stagnated at minuscule percentages in the polls. The lesser candidates of both parties must envy Huckabee, who has experienced a remarkable surge since October. He has probably attracted the values-voters who might have supported the bygone campaigns of Brownback and Tancredo. And after Thompson's lackluster start, it was easy for an evangelical Southern candidate to pick up steam as an alternative to Romney, the flop-flipping heathen from Massachusetts.

Although Huckabee stands a few points ahead of Romney in the most recent poll, his recent gaffes could catch up with him by Thursday. The floating cross campaign ad suggested that under Huckabee's upright facade lies a cancerous growth of Clintonian insincerity. Supporting evidence for this possibility came on Monday, when Huckabee held a press conference claiming that only 30 minutes earlier, in the spirit of clean-handed politics, he had decided to pull a TV spot attacking Mitt Romney. Huckabee proceeded to air the ad on a projector, in effect broadcasting it free of charge via journalists. To peals of laughter from the audience, Huckabee insisted that it was essential to show the ad in front of the hypercynical media to prove that it existed in the first place.

If Huckabee takes Iowa, he'll be a shoe-in in South Carolina. Romney wins Iowa in the event of a Huckabee loss. The resultant windfall of publicity could propel Romney over McCain in New Hampshire, in effect deciding the nomination. McCain is currently polling in single digits in Iowa -- he needs a big assist from Huckabee.

An article in the Times discusses the possibility of an inconclusive result in Iowa. Among the Democrats, a neck and neck finish between the three top contenders would throw Edwards a life raft. He could go on to victory in South Carolina, assuming that he doesn't lose too badly in New Hampshire and Obama doesn't rally the entire black vote behind him. An inconclusive result probably disfavors Obama, who would split the radical liberal vote with Edwards in Iowa and then New Hampshire, thereby guaranteeing Clinton's victory. Obama needs victory and a clear Edwards defeat in Iowa to contend with Clinton in New Hampshire. If Clinton blatantly loses in Iowa her game could be up in New Hampshire.

The consequences of an equivocal Republican result in Iowa could be even more convoluted. National poll leaders -- McCain and, until recently, Giuliani -- obviously benefit from a near tie between Huckabee and Romney. If that situation allows McCain to handily take New Hampshire, Giuliani's investment in the later primaries would probably yield paltry returns, since Giuliani and McCain seem to derive support from similar constituencies.

The unprecendented amount of money flowing into the Iowa campaign means that a stalemate among the candidates could be considered a devastating loss of resources. Although Iowa might have marginalized its political significance by caucusing absurdly early, either a stalemate among candidates or checkmate by any one candidate in the Hawkeye state will determine the course of events in the rapid succession of primaries that follow.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Year in Ideas

I have spent the past three weeks reading the best magazine issue of the year: The New York Times Magazine Year in Ideas. Little by little--during meals, before bed, in between finals studying--I have made my way through the issue, which lists the innovative, bizzare, and sometimes ridiculous "ideas" that emerged this past year.

Many magazines have December issues in which they detail the technological innovations of the year. What separates The New York Times Magazine rendition is that it is not simply devoted to technology. It is far broader and less concrete. Some of the "ideas" are technological innovations, but others are abstract concepts on subjects ranging from sports, to politics, to relationships.

I could probably do a blog post for almost every idea. However, instead I will simply list my favorites:

-Craigslist Vengeance (pg. 62):
In March, a vengeful niece placed on ad on Craigslist, inviting all readers to come to the home of her aunt and "take what you want. Everything is free. Please help yourself to anything on the property." Though the ad was up for less than 2 hours, the aunts house was stripped bare--even the front door and kitchen sink were taken by a rabid bunch of Craigslisters. With the enormous readership of The Vegan Dessert, who knows what sort of vengeance I could achieve?

-Electric Hockey Skate (pg. 68): Since I have recently committed myself to getting good at ice skating, this one was particularly interesting. Some guy from Calgary has designed an ice hockey skate with a heated blade. The heat is not meant to warm the skaters foot, but rather to melt the ice below. By melting the ice, the ice skate faces less resistance and allows the skater to move faster. Several NHL players are trying out the skate. Seems kind of unfair to me. Some sort of regulation has to be put in place to set a limit on skate temperature.

-Left-Hand-Turn Elimination (pg. 80):
Who doesn't hate left turns? They're stressful, waste time, lead to accidents, force you to turn down the radio volume...According to the NYT Mag., U.P.S. really hates left turns. U.P.S. has a fleet of 95,000 delivery trucks, and each time a truck must wait to make a left turn, it wastes gas and thus money for the company. To save cash, U.P.S. employs a computer program that maps out every delivery route and seeks to minimize the number of left turns, while taking into account the added distance that results from the extra right turns. Last year, the computer program saved close to 3 millions gallons of gas for U.P.S.

-Smog Eating Cement (98): This one had a special place in my heart because I actually understood some of the chemistry involved. An Italian Company produced cement with titanium dioxide in it. When exposed to light, the titanium dioxide can oxidize nitrogen and sulfur oxides (which make up smog) to the less hazardous nitrate and sulfate forms. The concrete has been proven to significantly clear up smog--pretty cool.

-Vegansexuality (103): I saved the best for last. Though I am not vegan or even vegetarian, I do for whatever reason write on a blog called The Vegan Dessert, so this idea has to some how relate to me. According to a survey conducted by a researcher at the University of Canterbury, some vegan eaters are rather reluctant to have carnivores as sexual partners. "I couldn't think of kissing lips that allow dead animal pieces to pass between them," said one respondent. "Nonvegetarian bodies smell different to me," said another respondent, "They are, after all, literally sustained through caracsses -- the murdered flesh of others." Maybe if I just eat vegan desserts along with the meat, I'll smell alright for vegansexuals, veggiesexuals, and carnosexuals.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Gameday

If you somehow haven't heard, you can watch the Patriots play the Giants tonight at 8:15 on the NFL Network, CBS, NBC, My Nine, MTV, TBS, Comedy Central, the Discovery Channel, and Lifetime.

Also, if you haven't heard, the Patriots are 15-0. If they win, they will be the first team to ever go 16-0. The Giants are 10-5. They have absolutely nothing to play for in terms of playoff seeding. The coverage of the game has been obscene, but in reality, I know pretty much nothing about the match-up. All I've heard about on TV is rest. Will Eli take a snap? Will Brady go 4 quarters? Will Strahan break a sweat? I wouldn't be surprised if on tonight's broadcast, the game is not shown beyond the first possession. I can picture it now. First play of the game:

"Holy Cow! Eli Manning is not on the field! The Giants have decided to rest! The Patriots win and become the first team to ever go 16-0!"

Has anyone else watched Eli Manning and the Giants play this year? If the Patriots really are one of the best team's ever, shouldn't they crush the Giants either way?

On the one hand, ESPN has presented the Patriots as an unstoppable Goliath and on the other hand they've assumed that the game, and the fate of the free World, lies in Tom Coughlin's decision to rest or not rest his players. I don't get it.

Throughout the season, I've had mixed feelings towards the Patriots. I am a Giants fan, and I am typically ambivalent towards the Pats. After the ridiculous start to their season, I started actively rooting for them. As with Roger and Tiger, I like to watch history being made. But then came the Baltimore game, and my fandom took a 180. There is no doubt the Patriots should have lost that game. If not for a stupid time-out, the "greatest-team ever" would have lost to a Ravens team that has now lost nine in a row.

From then on, I joined the Patriot-hater bandwagon. After a game like that, the Patriots didn't deserve to go undefeated.

So tonight, I will be rooting hard for my G-Men. But more importantly, I will be rooting hard when Tom Coughlin decides not to rest Eli, for that will mark the end of the Patriots undefeated season. Right?

Food for Thought

A roofer would use a zax, or roof hatchet, to cut up these slate shingles. How do I know of zaxes? Read on...


Besides my brief image caption, there's no prolegomenon to this post. My father stumbled across a website called Free Rice that donates rice to the needy when you correctly define words. The site presents you with a word and four potential definitions. If you correctly define three words in a row, you advance a difficulty level. If you incorrectly define a word, you go back a level.

Free Rice is becoming an ecumenical phenomenon. Yesterday alone, over 150 million grains of rice were donated by the website. Since the website's inception on October 7, the amount of rice donated per correct answer has been raised from 10 to 20 grains. The average amount of rice donated daily has more than doubled from one month ago.

The perspicacious reader might wonder from whence Free Rice gets money to purchase rice. The answer is internet advertising. At the bottom of the screen, small advertisements pop up for the duration of the question. I noticed that one was for Woodwind Brasswind, an amazing music superstore off I-90 in Indiana; this clinched my support for the Free Rice scheme.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Read My Lips


To kick off the Vegan Dessert Book Club -- and allow me a head start on the reading -- here are a few suggestions.

Selected Poems, by Zbigniew Herbert. I'm not sure if either poetry or compendiums qualify for the Book Club, but we can leave that caveat to our lawyers. Herbert gained international fame in 1968, when the other great Polish poet, Czeslaw Milosz, and the Canadian Peter Dale Scott translated Selected Poems into English. I imagine that my bibliophilic uncle discovered this volume at Amherst upon its publication in the United States, and decided to send it to his nephew 40 years later as a holiday present.

Herbert's poems are simultaneously avant garde and traditional. Unique for a disenchanted Soviet bloc writer, Herbert wrote ironical streams of consciousness yet invariably resorted to Shakespearean, mythological, and classical Greco-Roman allusion. Herbert withstood the dehumanization of Stalinism and the rigors of the Polish resistance to Nazi rule and found the truest expression of modern tribulations in the ancient world. Following is a favorite of mine in Selected Poems. It encapsulates Herbert's style.

"From Mythology

First there was a god of night and tempest, a black idol without eyes, before whom they leaped, naked and smeared with blood. Later on, in the times of the republic, there were many gods with wives, children, creaking beds, and harmlessly exploding thunderbolts. At the end only superstitious neurotics carried in their pockets little statues of salt, representing the god of irony. There was no greater god at that time.
Then came the barbarians. They too valued highly the little god of irony. They would crush it under their heels and add it to their dishes."

Archives of Empire Volume I: From the East India Company to the Suez Canal, edited by Barbara Harlow and Mia Carter. The other day, a friend's father asked whether anyone reads primary sources anymore. I was pleased to squash his argument with an answer in the affirmative. In a way, Archives of Empire cheats in terms of primary source material, since it culls the best documents of British Empire during the time span of the book's subtitle. There is no dead end journey to the library, no scholarly disappointment, and also, no miraculous random find in the stacks of C level.

Yet Archives of Empire, as exhaustive and carefully compiled as the O.E.D., occasionally sends a chill down the spine of my intellect as only the dustiest and most disintegrating of tomes has the capacity to do upon discovery in the library. Required to purchase this book for a history seminar last semester, the professor never got around to using it. Instead of letting the book go to waste, I decided to educate myself on the Suez Canal. Gladstone's speech advising against British intervention in Egypt after the Arabi Uprising and further expansion of an unsustainable empire rings true to American ears after Afghanistan and Iraq. "For the romance of political travel we are willing to scour the world, and yet of capital defect in duties lying at our door we are not ashamed."

Founding Brothers, by Joseph J. Ellis. Over Thanksgiving break, I got through a few chapters of this Pulitzer Prize winning book and now have time to finish it. Just under 250 pages, Ellis's book paints biographical portraits of the marmoreal men of the Revolutionary generation: Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Franklin, Madison, Hamilton, and Burr. Ellis, a professor at Mount Holyoke recently chastised for classroom bragging about Vietnam War exploits never had, upholds the nearly mythological stature of those founders. He contends that in spite of their human foibles, they recognized the precarious nature of the democratic experiment and reached deals to give the United States a best chance of survival. (The obvious exception, which Ellis addresses, is that of Hamilton and Burr.) I'm not far enough into Founding Brothers to comment further, but this book would be an excellent founding choice for our great literary experiment.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas All

I want to wish all our readers a very merry Christmas. Make sure to tune into TBS before it's too late. Also, if you are feeling extra lazy, the Robots 24 hour marathon on FX is pretty good as well. Oh, and I just saw a commercial for Home Alone--6 o'clock on FX!

I will be away from a computer for the next few days, so hopefully Miller will take the reigns admirably. Look forward to some very long posts.

Also, while I'm gone, make sure to suggest some books for the first ever Vegan Dessert Book Club.

Monday, December 24, 2007

The Vegan Dessert Book Club!

Since I have vacation for the next five weeks, I thought it would be a good idea to read a book or two. To add some enjoyment (and motivation), I am inaugurating the Vegan Dessert Book Club. We (me, maybe Miller, and our hundreds of readers) can read a book together and discuss it.

For the next several days I will be taking suggestions. The book can be fiction or non-fiction and 400 pages or less. I am open to anything. Please make the suggestions in the comments section, and I will make the ultimate selection.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

What Christmas Means to Me

Some how, some way, Miller grew up without cable television. He missed, and continues to miss so much: Dirty Jobs, Man v. Wild, ESPN, Nickelodeon, Flavor of Love. The list goes on.

I guess I can imagine a world without cable. If I weren't such a big sports fan, cable TV wouldn't be all that important.

That is, on everyday but Christmas.

The cable TV highlight of the year comes every Christmas, when TBS broadcasts 24 hours of A Christmas Story. Typically over winer break I am in Vermont on a skiing vacation (since I don't celebrate Christmas). Here's how Christmas typically goes:

-Wake up around 6. Watch A Christmas Story as I eat/get dressed.
-Ski from 8-4.
-Come back to the hotel room to clean-up. Watch A Christmas Story as I wait for the shower
to open.
-Eat dinner.
-Watch A Christmas Story while I read the newspaper.
-Watch A Christmas Story while I floss my teeth.
-Watch A Christmas Story until the lights go out.

The schedule varies somewhat from year-to-year, but you can get the general idea--I am a big fan of A Christmas Story. There are so many great scenes: the one when the kid gets his tongue stuck on the flagpole, when Ralphie beats up the town bully, when Randy hides under the sink, where they have Christmas dinner at the Japanese Restaurant...

The movie is perfect for a 24 hour marathon because each scene can stand on its own without explanation. The other 364 days of the year, TBS doesn't do that much for me-they stopped the Saved by the Bell, Family Matters reruns years ago. Yet, for this one day, TBS comes through huge. Tomorrow at 8 the 24 hour marathon commences. Tune in.

Update: I just watched the first hour of the marathon. The movie is even better than I remember. Randy, the little brother, has to be one of the greatest movie characters of all time).

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Incredible, No, but Pretty Darn Good

Ever since seeing Ratatouille over the summer (one of the best movies I have ever seen), I've been wanting to see every Pixar movie I can get my hands on. This past Thursday, it was The Incredibles.

When reviewing Pixar films, it's not a question of good v. bad. The answer to that is implicit. Rather, it's more very good v. excellent. The Incredibles lies on the "very good" side of the spectrum.

The Incredibles has the same basic storyline of other Pixar films. The main character is unappreciated (Mr. Incredible, Remy the Rat, Woody...), becomes self-absorbed, and is recognized and humbled in the end.

The major problem I had with The Incredibles was that the main character was under appreciated and self-absorbed for too long. With Woody and Remy, I had sympathy. I looked past their self-absorption, and actively rooted for them. With Mr. Incredible, this wasn't the case. His self-absorbed phase went on for too long. He deceived his family and was a total jerk for nearly half the movie, and I couldn't look past this.

It's odd that I'm basing my critique of a computer animated film on whether or not I rooted for the main character. Yet, my rating is strictly based on how much I enjoyed the film, and my dislike for Mr. Incredible definitely impacted my overall enjoyment.

Nonetheless, The Incredibles was very good. Though I couldn't stand the main character, what made this movie stand out was the minor players--the costume designer, the insurance boss, Dash, and the mom. These were all remarkably crafted characters who only Pixar could make up. The music was also an excellent touch.

I know The Incredibles has quite an ardent following, and I don't want it to seem like I disliked like the movie. It was a very good film. All I mean to to say is that it's not going up on my Facebook profile, in the pantheon of great movies.

Correction: After an incredibly embarrassing Facebook exchange with an Incredibles aficionado I realized that the sons name is Dash not Flash. I have fixed the mistake and apologize.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Encore

Most good things have to come to an end. The Vegan Dessert does not.

After a semester away, Miller and I have decided to return. We have much more to say, and we hope you, our loyal readers, still have an appetite. This blog will continue to have absolutely no focus. Miller will continue to post 5-screen essays and I will continue to post my short, but sweet entries.

This comeback is likely to last only 5-weeks, so enjoy it (and comment) while you can. This is not going to a Michael Jordan/Jay-Z type comeback. No, we expect to return better than ever, not a shell of our former selves.

I'll sign off with a YouTube video my brother showed me this evening. It's been viewed by 10 million people, so you've probably already seen it. But if not, enjoy:

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

To End

Four score and five days ago, a blog was made. The Vegan Dessert provided a platform from which two college students could make witty remarks, write thinly veiled sarcasm, and pontificate on the world. "We have ideas, too. And everyone ought to hear them."

I stand by the founding principle of the Vegan Dessert: "Conceived in variety, and dedicated to the proposition that all ideas are created equal." Of course, the ideas of a certain JT and Miller might be more equal than others.

As the publication's readership could tell, certain traits distinguished JT's posts from my own. And after reading JT's analysis of blogging, I realized that each of us had a different vision of the Vegan Dessert.

Not to offend the reader, but to me, the reader didn't especially matter. Blogging was an intellectual exercise. Pick an interesting topic, even one you know little to nothing about. Read about it. Form an opinion. Construct an argument. Draw a pithy conclusion.

At the risk of sounding like babbling old Polonius, I advise writing for yourself. Mull over a curious topic and produce a cohesive article. People don't care how long it is, as long as they too are engaged. Even with short posts, concise paragraphs, and simple sentences, I can barely digest one post on Deadspin, because I don't care about sports gossip. Lack of focus was the Vegan Dessert's greatest asset. It ensured that friends and relatives could find at least one interesting post to peruse.

As JT mentioned, most people who encountered our blog were anonymous Googlers who never returned. This fact doesn't bother me, since they were after a specific topic. If I provided a compelling list of Disneyland attractions, that's an added bonus to the personal amusement I reaped from writing it. Think of it as Maimonides's highest form of giving -- charity with unknown individuals at both ends of the equation.

Whoever you are, thanks for reading.

Top Five Wind Pieces


In three centuries' repertoire of classical music -- to ignore that vast array of boring late Renaissance and early Baroque output -- there exists one genre for which I have developed a particular affinity. For our purposes, I'll call that genre wind music, and in its ranks I don't include "band" music, or that relatively modern corpus spanning from Sousa to the present. Wind music consists of pieces for chamber ensembles usually constituted of woodwinds and French horn. Works for mixed ensemble (e.g. a small group of winds and strings) also fall into the category. The size of the ensemble usually varies between three and eight players, although certain masterworks are written for larger groups, such as nonet or 13 musicians. It is difficult to give the genre quantitative parameters because the nature of wind music is defined more by a particular sound (which I will address shortly) than by instrumental configuration and size.

The heyday of wind music came sometime between Mozart and Beethoven, but its buildup predated 1756, and its denouement lingered into the late 19th century. Gems of the wind music repertoire have since been composed independently of a popular trend toward the musical medium.

Hapsburg nobles loved music for winds, and they sponsored both commissions and court wind ensembles. Mozart wrote a great body of music for wind instruments, including concerti (for oboe, French horn, clarinet, flute, and bassoon), serenades, basset horn trios (the basset horn is a primitive lower pitched member of the clarinet family), and wind quintets (defined as flute, oboe, clarinet, French horn, and bassoon).

Audiences embraced the compositional mode. Beethoven's Septet for Winds and Strings was so popular that he felt it obscured the significance of his later works. When the Septet took London by storm in 1815, he exclaimed, "That damn work; I wish it could be burned!" Almost 50 years later, Walt Whitman heard the piece and waxed metaphoric in delight. "Dainty abandon, sometimes as if Nature laughing on a hillside in the sunshine; serious and firm monotonies, as of winds; a horn sounding through the tangle of the forest, and the dying echoes; soothing floating of waves, but presently rising in surges, angrily lashing, muttering, heavy; piercing peals of laughter, for interstices; now and then weird, as Nature herself is in certain moods -- but mainly spontaneous, easy, careless…."

Most wind music is lighter than string music -- especially most pieces written for string quartet. Wind instruments are mellifluous and create exquisite overtones in harmony, whereas, at least to my ears, string quartets often emphasize unpleasant and melodramatic sawing and scratching. A wind ensemble's breathy weight can be exploited to create an amazing propulsive effect. Look to the third movement of Mozart's Gran Partita for a soothing but unstoppable impetus at a slow tempo; Hummel's Wind Octet and Partita and Mendelssohn's Military Overture (composed at age 15) both highlight the ability of a wind group to jump on dotted rhythms with powerful momentum.

The five central instruments of wind music (flute, oboe, clarinet, horn, and bassoon) possess strikingly different sounds. In contrast, the four primary stringed instruments (violin, viola, cello, and double bass) exhibit matched timbres when playing notes in the same register; they primarily distinguish themselves by playing in different registers. While stringed instruments interact in consort like members of an immediate family, wind instruments resemble the disparate characters of a bustling metropolis.

So here is a list of my favorite wind music:

Close call: Serenade for winds and strings, op. 44 (1878), for two oboes, two clarinets, two horns, two bassoons, cello, and double bass, by Antonin Dvorak.

Starting with a memorable opening march that would sound equally convincing on pipe organ, Dvorak infuses each of the serenade's four movements with folksy Slavonic tunes. Brahms loved the piece, and it surely helped the Czech composer gain a foothold in the international music scene.

5. Grand Nonet, op. 31 (1813), for flute, oboe, clarinet, horn, bassoon, violin, viola, cello, and double bass, by Louis Spohr.

A traditionalist composer who introduced radical innovations to classical music (such as use of the baton for conducting), Spohr constructed his Nonet in a familiar fashion. The opening movement is in sonata form; a scherzo and then an adagio follow (this common inversion of the two movements is common in Romantic music); a bubbling vivace finale wraps it up. Spohr's simple chromatic theme of the first movement resurfaces in three of the other four, providing a splendid sense of continuity.

The winds and strings are often treated as two sections of the ensemble, and in certain parts, the melody is monopolized by violin. But the most important facet of Spohr's writing is a soloistic recycling of thematic material between instruments, a feature shared by many great compositions with important wind parts.

Andrew de Alvare discusses how the piece was enjoyed by aristocrats in the Age of Napoleon. "The demanding and sometimes virtuosic parts required professional musicians available only to the wealthy, but also made the piece[s] [Spohr's Wind Octet and Nonet] attractive to a wider audience. While certain amateur ensembles did perform these pieces, they were not as popular as the related works by Beethoven [the Septet] and Schubert [the Octet]. The sophistication of these two works by Spohr, their consequent aristocratic appeal, and most of all, their popularity, are indicated by their performance in 1814 for European heads of state at the Congress of Vienna." Spohr's Nonet, permeated with subdued sensibility and subtle sarcasm, fits perfectly my conception of restoration Europe’s ranking elite.

4. Octet, D. 803 (1824), for clarinet, horn, bassoon, two violins, viola, cello, and double bass, by Franz Schubert.

Often deemed classical music's greatest melodist alongside Mozart, most critics ignore the genius of Schubert's rhythmic intensity. The combination of rhythmic drive and melodic passion makes Schubert's Ninth one of the most perfect symphonies ever composed. Look at his “Wanderer” Fantasy, "Death and the Maiden" Quartet, or "Trout" Quintet. Why are they all staples of the repertoire? Persistent, unrelenting rhythm, plus a spiffy tune. Let me describe a movement from his Octet, written as I listen to a recording by the Gaudier Ensemble.

A sudden tremolo chill in the bass punctuated by pungent wind chords launches the finale of this archetypical octet. The ensuing Allegro plods forth like a pastoral peasant, persistently shrugging off memories of the minor key opening. Schubert, with typical melodic flair, keeps your foot tapping until the unexpected reemergence of the tortuous opening tremolo. The peasant journeyman doesn't ignore the warning this second time and instead picks up his tempo, sprinting home to the buoyant syncopations of arpeggiating horns.

Composed for some of the same players Beethoven had in mind for his Septet, Schubert's Octet takes after that groundbreaking work for small mixed ensemble in certain other aspects. Both reach back to the proud 18th century divertimento tradition; both use identical instruments, except for Schubert's addition of an extra violin; both are emotionally unburdened; and both were written so as not to exceed the capabilities of small groups of musically inclined friends.

3. Quintet for Piano and Winds, K. 452 (1784), for piano, oboe, clarinet, horn, and bassoon, by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

"I consider it to be the best work I have ever composed," wrote Wolfgang to his father after the quintet's premiere in April of 1784. Mozart's pleasure was well-founded, since his composition remains enjoyable to hear and play. After assembling a group to read through the piece at the end of last academic year, I concluded that the Beethoven quintet for the same instruments sounds more difficult, but the Mozart quintet is much harder to play. Motifs subtly alter their shading as they pass between the wind instruments, with perpetual support provided by piano.

The first movement opens at a tempo marked largo. A serene piano melody accented by heavy wind chords fluidly dissolves into dissonance and back to calm, before ending on a regal chord and launching into the main allegro section. Piano once again provides melodic fodder, but this time, Mozart’s winds enter to elaborate the keyboard’s simplistic theme with stately flourishes. Alternation between innocence and pomp characterizes the whole movement; the horn finally calls it quits with an exclamation of pointed triplets.

The quintet continues with a chillingly beautiful Larghetto. A tricky melody on oboe is supported by the lower winds, but the movement's exposition soon cedes to soloistic exchanges between all the instruments. After gradually reincorporating the oboe’s original statement into a building chorus, the ensemble prematurely diminishes to a soft cadence. An abrupt minor key inclusion gives a brief reality check. But the oboe's relaxing dream refuses to dissipate, and the movement ends with a gentle sigh.

Mozart’s closing Allegretto begins with a lighthearted tune in the piano, soon redoubled by the appearance of winds. Countermelody enters as a flippant phrase that provides a launching pad for numerous variations. My favorite moment comes near the end, when the music grinds to a halt. A fugue gains force in the winds and spills into the nervous trill of an oboe before releasing its energy into a delightful march-like finish.

2. Sextet for Piano and Wind Quintet, op. 100 (1932-1939), by Francis Poulenc.

Poulenc was an insidious composer, a bourgeois nobleman who never composed for money but who frequently mocked cosmopolitan France through inane and sarcastic works. Surprisingly, he was also a devout Catholic capable of producing deeply moving music. Throughout his oeuvre, these opposing traits surface in close proximity. Often they are juxtaposed in one brief movement, like the first movement of his Sonata for Clarinet and Piano.

Individually, Poulenc’s Sextet is only moderately challenging. But a successful combination of the lines in ensemble is a tremendous harmonic and rhythmic challenge. Poulenc was a first-rate composer for winds, because his phrase lengths perfectly accommodate the instruments’ dependence on breathing. Poulenc’s colorful style accents the character of each instrument, and his bizarre harmonies produce exotic overtones.

The Sextet’s first movement commences with a raucous crescendo of speedy runs (in parallel tenths, if I remember correctly). From this cacophony, a lunatic melody bursts forth at backbreaking pace. One slow respite is generously provided in the chaotic development. Poulenc’s middle movement is titled “Divertissement,” reflecting its naïve and playful nature. Bittersweet shades are occasionally introduced, and the movement ends with staccato grunts low in the bassoon, but it is mostly frivolous, especially in a startling and jaunty interlude. The last movement is a rondo. At first, Poulenc contrasts one vivacious with another lush melody, but he ultimately abandons the witty exchange for a plangent C major conclusion.

1. Serenade no. 10, "Gran Partita." K. 361/371a (1783 or 1784), for two oboes, two clarinets, two basset horns, four French horns, two bassoons, and double bass, by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

In the movie “Amadeus,” Salieri first encounters the child prodigy of Salzburg at a performance of his "Gran Partita" serenade in the court of Joseph II. That "great music for winds of a very special kind," to quote a Viennese newspaper describing the piece in 1784, was an important work in Mozart's life, being the first he wrote upon moving to the Hapsburg capital.

Let's leave a brief description of the third movement largo to F. Murray Abraham's Salieri. "On the page it looked nothing. The beginning simple, almost comic. Just a pulse -- bassoons and basset horns -- like a rusty squeezebox. And then suddenly -- high above it -- an oboe. A single note, hanging there unwavering, until a clarinet took over and sweetened it into a phrase of such delight. This was no composition by a performing monkey... This was a music I'd never heard. Filled with such longing, such unfulfillable longing. It seemed to me that I was hearing a voice of God."

Mozart perfected the use of wind instruments as actors in a cast. Musicologist Alfred Einstein writes an excellent summary of the instruments’ roles in the "Gran Partita" and expounds on two of the movements. "The fascination of the work emanates from its sheer sound. There is a continuous alternation between tutti and soli, in which the part of the soli is usually allotted to the two clarinets; a constant reveling in new combinations: a quartet of clarinets and basset horns, a sextet of oboes, basset horns, and bassoons over the supporting double bass; oboe, basset horn, and bassoon in unison, with accompaniment -- a mixture of timbres and transparent clarity at the same time; an 'over-lapping' of all the tone-colors, especially in the development section of the first movement. No instrument is treated in true concertante fashion, but each one can, and strives to, distinguish itself; and just as in a buffo finale by Mozart each person is true to his own character, so each instrument here is true to its own character -- the oboe to its aptness for cantabile melodies, the bassoon likewise and also, in chattering triplets, to its comic properties. The two pairs of horns furnish the basic tone-color; but the fact that Mozart uses only the first pair in the first slow movement, a Notturno, is an indication of his supreme taste and skill: this is a scene from Romeo under starry skies, a scene in which longing, grief, and love are wrung like a distillation from the beating hearts of the lovers. The counterpart to this lyricism is found in a 'Romance' whose sentimentality is carried towards the point of absurdity by means of an oddly burlesque Allegretto, an 'alternativo.'" And nothing sends chills down my spine like the penultimate movement's final variation and segue into the conclusive roaring Rondo.

Reading through the Library of Congress facsimile along with my favorite recording (members of the Berlin Philharmonic under Zubin Mehta), I noticed that the "Gran Partita" still presents challenges to the modern clarinetist, alongside untold delights.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

In life, it's best to go all in or not go at all.

With the summer coming to an end, and classes scarily approaching, I realize that this blog cannot go on. I don't have the time, energy, or motivation to keep serving the VD, and I doubt Miller does either.

It's been fun cooking up posts for you the last twelve-odd weeks. I recommend a blog to anyone with nothing to do.

With my last post, I want to go through some things I've learned this summer about the blogosphere. Think of it as my honors thesis. I've been doing research for the summer, and here are the results:

Keep it short: Long articles are for print. The Internet is all about speed, and blog posts should be simple and to the point. Ideally, a blog should have a continued button, so that you can have the first few paragraphs on the main page, and the remainder somewhere else. I couldn't ever figure out how to do this on blogger.

Break it Down: If you're post is going to be long, as I suspect this will be, break it down into short sections. That way, readers can easily pick and choose what they want to read.

Bored? Start a Blog:

Since I used a ton of excel this summer for my job, I decided to bust out some graphs. The graphs show that as my research got more interesting, the blog got appreciably worse. It was almost exactly inversely proportional. In the beginning of the summer, when I didn't have much to do at work, I would think about the blog all day. That way, when I got back to my dorm at night, I could storm through 2-3 posts a night. By the end of the summer though, my job got interesting, and the VD suffered. The big spike in the graph to the right is July 3-5, the greatest stretch this blog ever had.

Blogger--easy, but limiting: I don't know html, java, or any computer languages, but I was able to make a website for free. That's pretty cool, and it's thanks to sites like blogger. It was sometimes very difficult to format posts (like the graphs above), but for simple layout, blogger is surprisingly smooth.

Weekly Features are the way to go: Hopefully you didn't realize, but some weeks I'd have 2-3 "Vegan Dessert Questions of the Week" and some weeks I'd have none. Same is true with the "Random YouTube Video of the Day." By having this quasi regular features, it gives you a good cop-out when you can't find anything to write about.

Deadspin.com is Amazing: Many of my readers might not have heard of deadspin.com, but it is the premier sports blog on the Internet. Having had a blog for the summer, I can now fully appreciate the greatness of Will Leitch, the editor of the site. He is officially the king of sarcasm.

Don't get too Personal: My worst posts came when I was upset and felt like ranting. I had no one to complain to, so I complained to myself, via the Vegan Dessert. These posts should never have actually been published.

Think before you write: Because it's so simple to write a post, I'd often put something up that I didn't completely believe in. I'd try to get a post up too quickly, and realize hours after it was published that it didn't make sense or I didn't really believe what I had said. Unlike writers for print, bloggers don't unnecessarily have time to think about their posts between writing and publishing. The two can be simultaneous. This can lead to some poorly thought out posts.

Google Images is the Best, True That, Double True: By taking images from Google, our readership at least tripled. Not too many people search "Vegan Dessert" on search engines, but lots look for images of David Beckham, Kobayashi, or Jessica Biel. By having such photos on our site, we got a lot of inadvertent traffic. I like to believe that some of these accidental visitors actually stayed on the site and read some posts. The photo below got us the most traffic. There were a couple days when we got close to 1000 hits thanks to the David Beckham photo.

Wait a second. Never mind. I just went to look for the David Beckham photo on our site, and it's not even there any more. It looks like a lot of the photos that we borrowed are now no longer up. Maybe Google images isn't the way to go after all.

Vegan Dessert? You may have noticed that this blog has absolutely nothing to do with Vegan Dessert, and I just use it for metaphors every once in a while. The main flaw with this blog was that it had no focus. At times it focused on sports, other times politics, other times music. Because of this, there was no way we'd generate a large, loyal audience. No one knew what to expect when coming to the VD. This made it more fun to write, but made readers more skeptical to keep on visiting.

**There will be one more post in mid-September, when Kanye's new CD comes out.**

I hope you've enjoyed the VD. It's been fun.

I'll leave you with the official song/music video of the Vegan Dessert:

Monday, August 27, 2007

Video Games Turn to Steroids

Growing up, I had three birthday venues--the nearby aquarium, the bowling alley and the local arcade. I don't recall anyone ever getting injured at one of my parties. There were no shark attacks, no lethal bowling ball drops, and thank goodness, no broken arms from arm wrestling a machine.

Three people in Japan, whom I don't think I invited to any parties, unfortunately experienced the latter. Now, 150 "Arm Spirit" machines are being recalled from Japanese arcades.

An AP article is on top of the story. "The machine isn't that strong, much less so than a muscular man. Even women should be able to beat it," said Ayano Sakiyama, a spokeswoman for the comany which makes the machine, "We think that maybe some players get overexcited and twist their arms in an unnatural way."

It's pretty clear that Sakiyama, a la Bud Selig, is casting a blind eye to the biggest scandal in video game history--steroids have gone digital.

I want to see a showdown between the juiced up arcade machine and
Sylvester Stallone's character in the movie "Over the Top." I take Stallone. Human steroids have to be further along than those for video games.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

The Hits of Summer

The biggest musical event of the summer has yet to take place. September 11, 2007 Kanye West and 50 Cent are coming out with CDs on the same freaking day. Sick.

But this is the wrap-up week for this blog, and I have to say a little bit about the summer in music.

Since I lived in a college dorm for ten weeks of the summer, and very rarely drove anywhere, the summer hits some how never got old. Unlike past years, where I came to dread the hits of summer, this year I would scan the radio while driving, simply looking for the 5-10 songs that defined the season.

Out of all songs, I'd be happiest to come across "Umbrella" by Rihanna on the radio. I have no idea what the hell the umbrella symbolizes (if anyone does, please comment), but the song is great. I can easily sing (technically scream) along with it, and you can't go wrong with Jay-Z.

In a close second comes "The Way I Are" by Timbaland. What a beat. I couldn't stop playing the opening beat on my trumpet after hearing the song for the first time. The song as a whole falls apart a bit in the middle with the rapping, and that's why it's not my favorite hit of the summer, but overall, I was just a bit excited when this song came along on the radio.

The whole summer, I wasn't sure how to feel about "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. Can a guy like this song? Am I allowed to blast it on my radio? This awkwardness ruined the song for me.

As for the best album I listened to this summer, it's without a doubt "Best of George Benson the Instrumentals." I ripped the guy apart in an earlier post, but this is one of the best albums I've ever heard. Benson does not sing at all, yet I constantly found myself singing to his guitar. This CD was perfect for listening to during a long day in the lab. I highly recommend it for homework listening.

Of course, I have to mention my trip to the Saratoga Performing Arts Center, and my fulfillment of a life long dream--seeing Tower of Power! in concert. They were somehow better than I expected. If you get a chance, see them live. Read this too (it's one of my better posts of the summer).

Some quick hits:

Summertime by Will Smith. Recommended by brother. You must listen to it before the summer is over.

Encore, Jay-Z and Linkin Park Remix. Currently my favorite song.

Common=good. Listen to him.

The Official Song of the VD=Basketball, but Kurtis Blow.
See YouTube video at bottom of post. Make sure to not only listen to the song but also watch the music video.

I'm sorry that this was a bit of a ramble, but now that I'm back at Amherst, my mind is awash. I promise my final few posts will be more direct and fluent. I've been mapping them out in my head for weeks.

(Note: The photo shows Kanye, Diddy, and 50 performing together two days ago. They, along with Jay-Z, made a surprise appearance at MSG's "Scremfest." Read about it in the NYT.)


Friday, August 24, 2007

Random YouTube Video of the Day

What would you do if your parents left you home alone for ten days? Probably not build a water slide down the side of your house. But that's what some kids decided to do in this video.

Many of the VD's readers will be heading off to college in the coming days. College is essentialy 150(?) days away from your parents, so let this video be an inspiration to all:


Thanks to awfulannouncing for the video.

The Summer of Good Movies

I've already written my personal reviews of the summer in food and magazines.

Now it's time for movies.

Incredibly, this summer, I batted .750 when it comes to watching a good movie.

If you take one thing from this review let it be this--don't let someone else pick out the movie you're going to watch, unless it's your older brother by 18 months.

This school year, I watched so many terrible movies because I passively agreed to watch what someone else picked out, and said was going to be great. Snatch, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, All The King's Men. They all sucked.

This summer, the only two bad movies I watched were picked out by others. They were Fast Food Nation and Little Miss Sunshine.

Little Miss Sunshine
was recommended by half the civilized world. "Oh you have to see it," the girls in my dorm said. "It's such a great movie," my mom told me. I watched the movie waiting for greatness. There was no way, I thought, that so many people would recommend it, and it'd end up being a dud. The greatness never came. It wasn't a terrible movie, but considering the expectations, it was a monumental letdown. It was like the Roberto Alomar trade to the Mets, or going to Valentine Dinning Hall expecting corn muffins and getting Bunker Hill Biscuits instead. Downright depressing. Go ahead and write in the comments about how wrong I am about this one. I won't listen to you, but it's always nice to have comments on my posts.

Not much needs to be said about Fast Food Nation. Read my review. It was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. And of course, it was picked out by someone else, who I will not name but sometimes reads the VD. It was like Shepard's Pie at Valentine, or Mo Vaughn in a Mets uniform--simply terrible.

The one movie I watched this summer following a recommendation and actually liked was Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. I might have said otherwise in earlier posts, but this was my favorite movie of the summer. It was like the Golden State Warriors of 2007. I didn't expect much, but now I can't wait for the sequel. This movie was recommended by my older brother, thus supporting my earlier hypothesis.

Now, for the movies I picked out and loved. For these movies, I was the general manager. Like Omar, I knew how to build my lineup (of movies).

Spellbound. Read my review. It has so many incredible, hilarious story lines. I thought it'd be good, but not as great as it turned out to be.

Hoop Dreams. Read my review. Read Miller's review. The best documentary I've ever watched.

Ratatouille. Read my review. Read Miller's review. I've realized since watching it that I am like the common rat. I do not have any respect for fine cuisine.

Wild Hogs. I just watched this a couple days ago with my mom. I thought it would be kind of lame, with a cast of Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, and William H. Macy. However, it was really enjoyable. It was the corny, feel good movie of the summer.

Superbad. Read my review. Not as funny as White Castle, but pretty freaking funny.

I suppose the act of writing a movie review goes against rule number one of this post--don't take movie recommendations from anyone other than you're older brother. Why write a review if no one should listen?

However, obviously, since I came up the theory, it doesn't apply to me. My recommendations are universal.

If you want to list your favorite movies of the summer, go ahead. But unless your my older brother by 18 months, I'm not going to take any movie advice from you.

Next up--my summer music review.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Vegan Dessert Question of the Week!

The Little League Series has reminded me of a question I've had for a very long time, and never had properly answered.

In the Tournament, there is a team from Latin America, the Carribean, and Mexico.

Oddly, this reminded me of a question that has bothered for me years--what continent does Central America belong to?

I used to think that I was an idiot for not knowing this. I was embarrassed to ask my teachers. Yet, I clearly remember once asking a Spanish teacher, and she too had no idea.

I just took a look at my Risk game board, and that did very little to clear anything up. In Risk, Central America is a large swath which stretches all the way from Mexico to Panama.

Now, I know that Mexico is considered part of North America, but below that things get very confusing. Is the Carribean part of Central America? Is Central America part of South America, or is it simply a region without a Continent?

I've always assumed that a country has to be part of a Continent, but this assumption may be wrong.

Many at Amherst have supported the Latin American Studies major. Before I can consider supporting this effort, it'd be nice to know what Latin America encompasses.

So I guess this has morphed into a two part question:

What continent is Central America a part of, and what countries make up Latin America?

I Hate ESPN

Before you read this, make sure to read the previous post. Otherwise it will not make sense.

Now that you have:

I do not get ESPN Classic.

WTF?

I used to get it. I'm sure I did. But now I don't.

I'm pissed.

Now, instead of watching Kobe and Kidd on the same team, I'm going to pack for college. Why would Kobe and Co. even participate if no one in the U.S. can watch them?

Ugh. ESPN sucks. Not even Jessica Biel can make up for this.

(Note: Image from mypickspal.com)

USA Takes on the World and Inevitably Loses

If a live sporting event is televised on ESPN Classic, it's going to be special. It has to be.

Tonight, at 11, the U.S. basketball team takes on Venezuela, on ESPN Classic.

I am kind of excited. There might never again be a chance to see Kobe, Lebron, Carmelo, and J-Kidd on the same team, actually trying.

If the U.S. doesn't make it to the finals of the FIBA Americas Tournament, they don't even make it to the Olympics. Even if they do make it to the Olympics, it's in Beijing, so I'll probably never watch it because of the time difference.

No Daily Show and Kolbert for me tonight. Once the Mets game is over, I'm heading over to watch what's guaranteed to be an instant classic.

If only Gilbert were playing...

Pitching Lessons from Mike Mussina

A few weeks ago, I did a post on the many magazines I was fortunate enough to get from unknowing Amherst students. I did not mention Play magazine in that post. That's because for some reason Play, like many high school newspapers, comes out every three months.

With the U.S. Open looming, Play came out this past weekend. It is without a doubt the best sports magazine out there.

Every week the The New York Times Magazine comes out, I quickly glance to see if there are any articles about sports. Nothing beats a thoughtful, well-written sports article from the NYT Mag.

Play is basically a collection of sports articles that would otherwise find their way into the NYT Mag. SI and ESPN serve the fluff, Play has the substance.

There is one excerpt from the magazine I want to point out. There is neat two-page spread titled "The Art of Pitching" in which Mike Mussina takes you through the intricacies of pitching in the majors. Yes, I know Mussina should probably not be giving advice on pitching right now, but it is still interesting.

There is one section from the spread that particularly stands out. It was under the heading "The Scuffed Ball". Here's the excerpt:

Defacing a ball brings a 10-game suspension for pitchers, who have been known to apply scuff marks using sandpaper, a belt buckle, even a thumbtack. But a batted ball can easily get scratched up on the infield dirt. "If there's a scuff, I'm thinking, 'I've gotta use this while I've got it,'" Mussina says. "It brings physics into play." A ball directs its flight to a place of less resistance. If he holds the ball with the scuff on the left side, that side will have more resistance. Thus, the ball will fight its way down and to the right, making it seem to the hitter as if Mussina's sinker is especially lively. "I may get the next ball and it's completely smooth and there's no way I can make it do that again," Mussina says. "But the hitter doesn't know that."

I had never heard that before.

Baseball is such a great game.

Lets go Mets!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Pour Me a Little Bubbly


Dr. Housing Bubble diagnoses the real estate fever as starting to cool down. For our edification, he compiled two hilarious and foreboding lists of symptoms:
and

My personal favorite of the 15 real deals advertised above is a 432 square foot rambler south of San Diego going for $299,900. Anyone want to buy my living room and kitchen for that great low price?

Subprime's bubble is popping from Wall Street to Main Street. The newest worry is over money market funds that hold the short-term debt (commercial paper) of collateralized debt obligations heavy in subprime mortgages. Money market funds are supposed to be conservative alternatives to bank accounts. Instead, managers have attempted to increase risk and thus investor yield through deceptively rated junk.

Who knew that following an economic disaster could be so fun? Don't classify my amusement as schadenfreude, because I'm not laughing at lenders with poor credit ratings, or foreign owners of America's credit garbage, or Moody's stockholders, or hedge fund managers. I am instead receiving a first-rate lesson in finance and economics at their expense. The subprime meltdown seems to be spreading to all corners of finance and the globe, drawing the observer's attention to America's gilded age gluttony and imminent eclipse as sole superpower.

Better stop writing. Time to go and purchase one of those limited-offer SoCal mansions with a scarce subprime mortgage!

Superbad is Supergood

I've been wanting to write that title for the past couple days. It's extraordinary how many respected publications have used it, or something like it, and I wanted to get in on the alliteration. Whenever I finally saw the film, I was going to use that title no matter what, regardless of how good the movie was.

I did see the movie last night, and the title of this post holds true. The movie was really good.

Typically, after watching a comedy, the ride home from the theater consists of a recounting of particularly funny moments.

"Oh, do you remember this part...! But how about that other scene when...! No, the best part was where....!"

The ride home from "Superbad" was not like this.

It was more like: "Wow, that was a freaking funny movie." No one scene defines it. Each scene simply melds together into two hours of great comedy. (Though, of course, there are some elementary school doodles from the movie that I might sadly never get out of my head.)

This past year, I watched "American Pie" with some kids in my college dorm. Someone won it in a raffle, and I remembered it being a pretty funny movie the first time I saw it, so I suggested we watch it. The screening was one of the more awkward, embarrassing moments of my freshman year in college. "American Pie" is only meant to be watched by those over 17 (it's rated NC-17), but it's only enjoyed but those under 17.

"Superbad" has a fairly similar plot line to "American Pie." Some high school kids want to get with girls before leaving for college. Yet beyond that, any comparison between the two films would be insulting to "Superbad." Yes, the movie is centered around high school, but it manages not to be merely a movie for high schoolers. This is an impressive feat.

While it was filled with more vulgarity than I had expected, it does not live and die with it, like those of the "American Pie" genre.

Typically, I cannot stand movies with the "dumb cop" characters. I get so frustrated. Why do incompetent cops always get in the way of justice? Yet with this film, I didn't feel that way at all. The cops definitely fit the dumb mold, but they are likable. In fact, every main character from the movie is likable. There are no bad guys. There are just abstract obstacles that have to be overcome--talking with girls, buying alcohol when you're too young, separating with your best friend before college. What male watching this film doesn't feel for Evan, Seth, and McLovin?

Ratatouille remains my favorite film of the summer, but "Superbad" sits in comfortably at second place.

(Note: There was a coming attraction for "Harold and Kumar Go to Gitmo." It just said it's coming out in 2008. I cannot wait.)

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Vegan Dessert Question of the Week!

Yesterday, my brother told me about an article from the Wall Street Journal in which LL Cool J lists his favorite songs to work out to. Sounds familiar.

I'm not going to recall the list, since I'm slightly afraid of Rupert Murdoch. If you want to see it, it was in yesterday's "Pursuits" section.

The list got me thinking--do musicians listen to their own music?

When 50 Cent is working out in his gym, does he listen to "In da Club." When Diddy is training for a marathon, does he listen to "Come with Me?" When Kelly Clarkson is pumping iron, does she listen to "A Moment like This?"

LL Cool J did not list any of his own songs on the list.

Can someone get pumped up listening to his/her own voice? I wouldn't know, as none of my hits have made it to any CDs. Yet.

Maybe musicians get to a point where they can't even stand their own music. They have to sing the same songs over and over, from city to city. They're expected to have the same enthusiasm at the first stadium as at the twentieth.

50, Diddy, or any musicians out there reading my blog, can you answer my question--do you enjoy listening to your own music?

The Great Tomato Harvest of 2007

















For some reason, in my family's garden, we have 24 tomato plants. This might make sense for a family with 10 kids or an Italian restaurant, but neither of these are descriptions of my family. Hell, I don't even like tomatoes.

It's been a lot of fun maintaing them, though, and I'm glad we have so many.

Yet, today a minor problem developed. This morning, my dad and I brought home roughly 75 tomatoes (see photo). We already had ten in the fridge. That's a bit too many for us to handle.

If anyone reading this blog wants a tomato, drop a comment. We might be able to work something out, assuming you pay for the shipping and handling.

Top Five Disneyland Rides

Every year of my post-toddler childhood in California, I relished going to Disneyland. After moving to Minnesota, my family would sometimes fly back to L.A. in the summer, and the primary object of my whining was to get to Disneyland. When I took a marching band trip to Disney World in high school, I wished I was at Disneyland instead.

Disneyland is the authentic amusement park. Even today, when driving between Orange County and L.A., the Matterhorn looms over the freeway and beckons with promises of adventure.

Stay at Disneyland all day -- no trip is complete without collapsing exhausted at a table in some overpriced cafe as the clock approaches midnight. And then stumble down to the man-made lake next to the Haunted Mansion for the overhyped laser light show. I remember canoeing on that body of water. Instead of productively paddling, I just splashed my parents.

After going on every classic ride a countless number of times, here's my well-ruminated list of favorites (which I can't limit it to five this time):




8. Disneyland Railroad: I love hopping aboard the park's steam locomotives and traveling back in time to the Primeval World of Mesozoic monsters. One of the original rides from 1955, it has remained a popular attraction and mode of transportation around Disneyland ever since.





7. Space Mountain: I used to think this was the scariest a roller coaster could get, especially since the harness didn't fasten my first time on it. An original score was written for the ride when it opened in 1977 -- Dick Dale was brought in to play surf guitar riffs for the part after you crest the first big hill. The score was based on the "Aquarium" movement of Saint-Saens's "The Carnival of the Animals."




6. Storybook Land Canal Boats: The best part of this often underrated ride is the intricate detail included in its scenic miniatures. To quote Wikipedia, "The houses in Storybook Land are fitted with six-inch doors and quarter-inch hinges that open and close, so the Disney electricians can change the lightbulbs." Unlike "It's a Small World," this ride doesn't attempt to awe with pastel overload and a catchy tune.



5. Autopia: As a young car enthusiast, this was a highlight of my Disneyland hajj. What makes Autopia most enthralling to its young and unlicensed drivers is the deceptive amount of freedom granted at the pedal (the vehicles' top speed is only 6.5 miles per hour).


4. Mad Tea Party: In my family, the teacups are a father-son bonding experience. My mother refuses to ride for reasons alluded to in the above picture. I love cranking on that central turntable with all my might, although the craft seem to exhibit an invariable maximum rotational velocity.


3. The Haunted Mansion: Jam-packed with macabre nuance, this Disneyland staple funnels guests through intricate optical illusions. An octagonal room initially drops you to the main level of the ride (the haunted house is nothing but a facade). But instead of going down, it looks like the walls are elongating up. On one wall panel that I distinctly remember, a dainty damsel dances a tightrope above a pit of hungry crocodiles. Another panel depicts three gentlemen stacked atop each other in a pool of quicksand. The Haunted Mansion's most enjoyable feature is its mix of humor and horror. In one section of the journey, one occupant of your Doom Buggy vehicle will appear in an illusory portrait alongside a caricatured ghostly manor lord.



2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Your pirate bark sails the seven seas and drops over two waterfalls in this classic flume ride. My favorite part of the voyage comes when the craft is caught in a barrage of broadsides and swept beside a rowdy Caribbean tavern broadcasting the memorable "Yo Ho" theme song. According to Wikipedia, one gluttonous rogue bespeaks such lines as, "Me belly be feeling like galleon with a load of treasure," and "I be looking for a fine pork loin, I be."

1. Mr. Toad's Wild Ride: This ride tops my list due to its cohesive plot, unpredictable path, and variety of environments ranging from Toad Hall to Hell, all while you're seated in a spiffy old car. At certain points, different groups in different cars appear to almost crash. Perishing after collision with a train, punishment for your recklessness is quickly forthcoming, but Disney's divine intervention brings you back to the entrance of Mr. Toad's entropic abode. Could it be that the common thread of my top three rides is dark comedy, their ability to impart a sense of vicarious villainry?

Friday, August 17, 2007

Random YouTube Video of the Day

It sucks to be on the outside of an inside joke. Especially when the "insiders" total a couple million people.

A few years ago, such a large inside joke would have seemed impossible. Yet, thanks to YouTube, inside jokes can spread like a virus. One person finds a YouTube clip. He shows it to five kids in his dorm room. They like it, and each shows it to five kids in his or her dorm room. And so on. Soon, the world is blanketed with the joke.

Today, at a breakfast with friends, I was clearly on the outside of a YouTube inside joke, and it didn't feel good. A reference was made, everyone laughed, except for me.

Here's the clip they were referring to. It' s really not all that funny. Everyone at the breakfast table claimed it was a YouTube craze, and I'm doing my part to make sure you're not awkwardly on the outside of a YouTube, all inclusive inside joke. It's called "Charlie the Unicorn:"

A Little Help, Please

Every week in Time magazine, there is a feature in which some author I've never heard of lists the five most influential books he's ever read. This summer, Dubliners by James Joyce seemed to come up more than any book, so I decided to read it.

It took me a while, but I finished the book on Tuesday. I've realized this summer that with the proliferation of blogs and on-line periodicals, it is becoming harder and harder for me to finish a novel. There are too many freaking distractions.

Luckily, Dubliners is a collection of short stories, so I was able to read it in spurts and finish it.

Now that I'm done, I'm a bit confused and actually upset with myself. Yeah, the short stories were interesting and well wrtitten, but I don't see how they fit together? What makes Dubliners great?

Maybe this has something to do with how I read the book. I didn't look for connections between the stories. I read them as isolated tales in an anthology of short stories. Maybe I should go back and read it as one large story, broken down into separate episodes.

Yet until then, I just don't get Dubliners.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Random Break.com (?) Video of the Week

Earlier in the summer, I posted one of my favorite YouTube videos of all time: human tetris.

Now Japan gives us human billboard:


http://view.break.com/348583 - Watch more free videos

Now that's how we make soccer popular in America. Stick 22 guys up there, including Beckham, and I might actually pay to watch.

Thanks to AwfulAnnouncing for the video.