Be Careful Who You Hang Out With

My list of friends may soon get a little bit shorter. Or maybe just thinner.

According to a study in The New England Journal of Medicine friends do let friends gain weight.

The study, which was detailed in a New York Times article, concludes that a person is more
likely to become obese if a friend becomes obese.

In the Times article, Gina Kolata writes:

"If the new research is correct, it may say that something in the environment seeded what some call an obesity epidemic, making a few people gain weight. Then social networks let the obesity spread rapidly.

It may also mean that the way to avoid becoming fat is to avoid having fat friends."

From anecdotal evidence, I'd say you're more likely to become obese if your friends eat slow. Hardly a day goes by at the dinning hall when I eat more than I need simply because my eating partner is a sloth of an eater.

On a some what related note, Gilbert Arenas chimed in on the obesity epidemic in his most recent wave of blog greatness:

"I’m still on my diet too. It’s going well, I’m ripped baby! Of course I’m still tempted by Cheetos. I just said I’m still on a diet, but I didn’t say I don’t cheat away from the diet. Of course I do. I’m an American! We eat bad!"

Top Five Ice Cream Novelties of All Time

This past weekend, at the Amherst Farmer's Market, I had a Popsicle like none that I had ever had before. It wasn't of some action hero with bubble for eyes or some cartoon icon with bubble for its nose.

No. It was a cantaloupe Popsicle, and it was awesome. It was pretty small, but the sweet taste lasted until the very end, unlike other, cheaper Popsicles which lose their taste with time. It had an unusual but at the same time, was unusually refreshing.

I haven't done a top five list in a while, and I thought the time was right to make one. The cantaloupe Popsicle got me thinking to a time long ago in my life when Ice ream Trucks reigned and sticky hands were the norm. A time when you didn't have to go to a Farmer's Market to get a decent Popsicle. I've decided to list out my favorite Ice Cream Novelties of all time. If you think I've left something out, or disagree with my analysis, please comment.

Here goes:

5. Bubble Play: I wasn't planning on putting this into the top five, but then I discovered the name. Priceless. The first few bites into the hard, stubborn gum ball are always great.

4. Firecracker: The only ice-based Popsicle on the list, this is great for holidays on the beach. There are few better ways to show off the Red, White, and Blue than with a Firecracker in your hands and the coloring smeared across your face.

3. Creamsicle:I don't think I'd ever got one from an Ice Cream Man, but creamsicles are great for storing in the freezer. They have the perfect texture.

2. Chocolate Chip Cookie Sandwich: One precaution--do not eat this straight on, it can be killer between the front teeth. Other than that, this is a heck of a dessert. Whoever thought of mixing Chocolate Chip Cookies and vanilla ice cream was a culinary genius right up there with Remy the Rat.

1. Chocolate Covered Vanilla: Don't let the lame name fool you. This novelty might not have the glitz and glamour of Bubble Play or the Firecracker, but it packs quite a punch. The key is the texture of the outside chocolate. This novelty comes in all sorts of variety, and the chocolate coating must be crisp; it cannot instantly fall apart into splinters at contact. If produced correctly, few desserts are better.

Honorable Mention: Pop-Ups. Snoopy. Chocolate flavored soy Popsicles--I've never had one, but my mom has them so often, they have to be good.

Awful and overrated: Chaco Taco! (One of my least favorite foods ever).

Just overrated: Anything that comes in a cone.

Pathetic: The tiny, plastic cups of ice cream you have to eat with a wood stick.

You Eat What You See

WSJ.Com is free for today only, so I thought I'd be appropriate to write a post about a Wall Street Journal article.

A few weeks ago, I posted about Kellogg's decision to stop advertising Froot Loops, and other unhealthy items, to kids 12 and under. For a number of reasons, I thought it was ridiculous-- A) Fruit Loops are great and not all that unhealthy B) Shouldn't it be up to parents to serve healthy food? C) How do you regulate who sees a commercial? D) How big a difference do commercials actually make?

I stand by the first three points, but the last point may turn out to be a bit shaky. An article in today's Journal (can I call it that), alleges that food commercials make a significant impact on kid's eating habits.

The article cited a study conducted by researchers in Liverpool. Before watching cartoons, kids aged 5-11 were either shown commercials for toys or food. After watching the cartoons, they were offered an array of snacks.

Guess who ate more?

The kids who saw the food commercials ate significantly more snacks.

"From an evolutionary standpoint, if you see it you better eat it because you don't know when it's not going to be there anymore," said Dr. David A. Levitsky, a Psychology Professor at Cornell. "What the food companies have learned very well is how to take advantage of that process and get us to eat more by showing us food."

Sorry, I have to go now. I have some Pepsi, Taco Bell, and Subway to scarf down.

(Note: The above image is supposed to be of a Budweiser Frog. I wonder if after watching that commercial, someone subsequently ate a frog.)

A Call to Ban Shepherd's Pie From Amherst College

Tonight, as with every Sunday over the summer, a new batch of campers descended on Amherst College. For there first meal in Valentine Dinning Hall, they were presented with the best and worst of Amherst College's food offerings.

If they looked hard enough, they could find by the salad bar an unassuming pan of Corn Bread, Amherst's most delicious baked good.

However, while the corn bread could be easily overlooked, Amherst's worst dish was impossible to pass by. Shepherd's Pie (an incongruous mix of ground meat, mashed potatoes, and corn) sat front in center, towards the beginning of the buffet. Every camper had to look on, smell, and contemplate the repulsive dish sitting before them.

I hope and pray that they did not actually ask for a serving.

I have trouble even sitting next to someone eating this mush, that Valentine calls pie. A pie must a) have crust b) be round and c) taste good. Shepherd's Pie meets none of these requirements and should be immediately removed from the Valentine menu.

For all our readers who have been too timid to comment, here is your chance! Speak out on your disgust of Shepherd's Pie. Let us know about the first time you saw the dish or (god forbid) ate it. If we get a large enough response, I will show this page to the Valentine Dinning Staff and hopefully get Shepherds Pie removed from the menu.

(Note: the above picture is not from Valentine.)

When the Postal Service Delivers

From September of 2006, when I stopped getting The New Yorker, until this last Thursday, the postal service had failed me. My campus center box was perpetually filled with intracampus leaflets. The occasional snippet of paleontological news or Halloween card from older relatives provided a brief morale boost, but nothing to redeem my confidence in the mail.

This situation changed last Thursday with the delivery of a thoroughly-taped smallish rectangular box. My aunt and uncle had providentially shipped a care package containing toxic waste.

When I was somewhere short of six years old, a collection of family made a trip to Palm Springs. On the journey, we encountered a candy store that stocks comedic confections. The stop remains one of my most vivid memories from that trip, beside a harrowing incident in the shallow end of a swimming pool watching my brief existence flash before my eyes.

As an avid thumb-sucker in those days, my favorite purchase was a giant sour candy thumb. For the next decade, I reaped incalculable pleasure from staring at the pristine package in my glass candy jar. One day I'll have a psychiatrist analyze my overattachment to candy.

My aunt and uncle somehow remembered how much I loved that shop, so when they stopped by there recently, they got a small selection for deprived Nephew Miller. Of the contents of my newly received care package, the most apt is the Mallow Dog.

After his penetrating coverage of Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, you think JT could have identified the Mallow Dog as marshmallow in composition. I guess there's always room for improvement in literary analysis.

The next item found in the exhibit could be slightly more nutritious, assuming it's ever consumed. Considering the surprising number of underground dog food eaters various sources claim exist, I hope my relatives don't count me among their deviant ranks...

The final gift that the USPS beneficiently passed along is especially touching. My uncle and I share a genetic inclination (some might also call it a defect) for humor lavatorial in nature.

Let me thank the Postal Service for sponsoring something beside a Tour de France team--Miller's happiness.

Sherbert to Me

What's up with sorbet/sherbet/sherbert? Prior to today they were the same in my mind. Now they are as different as scrod, walleye, and whitefish.

JT's decrepit pocket dictionary differenciates between sorbet, sherbet, and sherbert by claiming that sorbet is an ice, sherbet is a diluted fruit drink, and sherbert is a frozen fruit juice that contains either milk, egg whites, or gelatin. The Columbia Guide to Standard American English is less picky, seeming to deride the etymologically-inclined sherbet "purists." The Guide reveals the interesting tidbit that Australians use sherbert as a word for beer. India's "National Newspaper," The Hindu, asserts that sorbet is a fruit puree or juice mixed with fine powdered sugar, while sherbet is a combination of milk, sugar, and fruit flavor. They discount sherbert entirely. Some know-it-all, blogging at Krunk4Ever, cites Webster's to demote sherbert to an alternative pronunciation and resorts to Wikipedia to solve the seemingly insoluble sorbet/sherbet/sherbert ingredients debacle.

Leave the other blogosphere pundits and their hearsay-dependent references to their own just deserts. Let's go straight to THE primary source.

The United States Food and Drug Administration: Code of Federal Regulations, Title 21, Food and Drugs, Volume 2, Subchapter B--Food for Human Consumption, Part 135--Frozen Desserts, Subpart B--Requirements for Specific Standardized Frozen Desserts, Section 135.140--Sherbet.

Please crystallize the content therein and come to your own conclusion. But first, let me draw your attention to parts a, d, f, and g.

The web community concurs--there is a baseline compositional definition of sherbet. But it is not the paltry minimum commonly summarized as "milkfat content between one and two percent and a minimum density of six pounds per gallon." No!--America's sherbets are held to the highest and most exacting culinary and metric standards!

Sherbet is not merely "mixed with fine powdered sugar." The President of the United States mandates that "Sherbet is sweetened with nutritive carbohydrate sweeteners and is characterized by the addition of one or more of the characterizing fruit ingredients specified in paragraph (d) of this section or one or more of the nonfruit-characterizing ingredients specified in paragraph (e) of this section."

One also may not willy-nilly classify sherbet as "raspberry" or "rainbow." If one wants a fruit sherbet, "The name of each fruit sherbet is "___ sherbet", the blank being filled in with the common name of the fruit or fruits from which the fruit ingredients used are obtained. When the names of two or more fruits are included, such names shall be arranged in order of predominance, if any, by weight of the respective fruit ingredients used." If one desires to render a non-fruit sherbet, "The name of each nonfruit sherbet is "___ sherbet", the blank being filled in with the common or usual name or names of the characterizing flavor or flavors; for example, "peppermint", except that if the characterizing flavor used is vanilla, the name of the food is "___ sherbet", the blank being filled in as specified by 135.110(e) (2) and (5)(i)."

There are laws governing the universe, and as no one is exempt from gravity, no one may circumvent the statutes of sherbet. Let us elucidate these codes, and discover how they shape our lives.

My Top Five Fruits

If you scroll down to the previous post, you may see that my partner Miller has listed his favorite five fruits.

However, maybe you shouldn't scroll down at all, because the list is seriously flawed. He has two fruits that I've never actually seen someone eat whole--lime and avocado. He has one fruit that is as insubstantial as food gets--grapefruit. And then, to take all credibility out of his list, he has kiwi number one. This is like ranking Clifford the Big Red Dog as the novel of the century.

Here is my attempt to put some common sense into this debate. I love fruit, and I don't want anyone to be discouraged by Miller's peculiar taste.

First, I'll list out the criteria I took into account for my list. In addition to taste, I considered:
-convenience
-fun factor (the enjoyment derived from eating the fruit)
-color
-durability (what lasts in a backpack the longest without being mashed)
-accessibility (how easy it is to find in a supermarket)

5. Cantaloupe
Probably the most underrated fruit on this list. I love how it feels when you bite down on a nice, firm piece of cantaloupe. The one big problem with this fruit is that it's not all that convenient. In high school, I don't think I ever saw someone come in with a cantaloupe in their lunch box.

4. B-A-N-A-N-A-S
When I was little, I was literally horrified by the texture of bananas--they were too mushy. Yet, once I overcame this fear, bananas became a staple of my diet. What breakfast is complete without a banana? It's also great how you can tell exactly how ripe a banana is by simply looking at it. You don't have to feel how firm it is or cut it open--it is perfectly OK to judge a banana by its cover. Gwen Stefani did a noble service by advertising this fantastic fruit.

3. Pineapples
Good canned or fresh, pineapple is an excellent vegan dessert option. CAUTION: do not eat this fruit with milk.

2. Apples
The second best food on the planet.

I probably have averaged two apples/day since I was about five years old. Apples are the perfect snack. An apple can be left in a backpack for weeks, yet still stay fresh and firm (go ahead, try it). There is also such amazing variety--Granny Smith, Red Delicious, Golden Delicious. You can go across the color spectrum and taste spectrum while still staying in the apple genre. It is also a lot of fun to chuck an apple core into the woods once you're finished with it--very empowering.

1. Grapes
The best food on the planet.

Fun to eat (how many grapes have you fit in your mouth?), fantastically smooth and moist, surprisingly filling. I challenge you to tell my any food that is better than a bunch of grapes.

Honorable Mention: Nectarine

Most Overrated: Kiwi, Raspberry, Lime, Grapefruit, Avocado, and Strawberry

(All photos from www.tomarma.com)

Top Five Fruits of All Time

To celebrate my live return from the field, I have decided to address an important facet of my life--fruit. Fruit is not only healthy but also delicious, thereby differentiating the dietary group from its adjacent planty counterpart on the food pyramid. My taste in fruit tends more towards the sour side, but I'm sure that JT will soon regale you with his more mundane list.

1. Kiwi.

Indisputably my favorite, the only downfall of this fruit is that when combined with milk, kiwi becomes unpalatable. The fruit's exterior fur is dissimilar to the skin of any other. Interiorly, kiwis possess a slightly tougher and sweeter core surrounded by a ring of edible seeds embedded in a more sour green matrix. Besides grapefruit, which comes later on my list, kiwi is the only fruit of which I know that gets its own utensil--the kiwi spoon, or spife. The spife has a rigid enough blade to saw through the fuzz and center of a kiwi with ease, allowing the connoisseur to shape her fruit into a polygonal solid.

2. Raspberry.

A close second, raspberries have many kiwiesque qualities. Small and indestructible seeds provide texture, a little hair covers the outside, and the pH is low enough to burn a canker sore. The nodular nature of the fruit allows for many dissection planes. The small central cavity is another source of raspberry amusement. Sharing the name raspberry is a rude form of expectoration that also plays an important role in my life. When I was four, my father taught me how to raspberry. Excited by my new skill, I decided to share the joy with a crotchety old lady at a buffet later that week by raspberrying in her soup. That is the closest I have come to excommunication from my family.

3. Lime.

This filamentous fruit bitterly takes bronze. Not only excellent in conjunction with prepared dishes, lime is surprisingly good when eaten alone. Introduced to the fruit by my grandmother, I have been a proponent of freestanding lime since a young age. She often placed a slice of the fruit alongside her famous avacado garnished salads.

4. Avocado.

Also advocated by my grandmother, avocado was an acquired taste for me. Not until a friend placed the fruit on a melted cheese sandwich did I see the light. A perfect avocado possesses a skin peelable into two or three pieces. After slicing longitudinally, one may caressingly twist the fruit into two parts around the smooth pit. Avacado is perfect on a variety of food, including blue corn tortilla chips and turkey sandwiches (a point my collaborator will surely protest).

5. Grapefruit.
The perfect breakfast item. After slicing the fruit in half widthwise, I recommend cutting around the perimeter to separate the meat from the rind, and then cutting between individual sections. After this efficient procedure, one can eat each section in turn without worrying about labor-intensive hassling. After the fruit is hollowed, one should press the grapefruit spoon against the inside skin to coax out the hidden juices. Although eating grapefruit requires significant effort, the ends justify the means.

Twinkies go B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Since this blog is named for desserts, and the Twinkie is the quintessential American dessert, I thought I should report this very important story:

There are now banana cream filled Twinkies.

Maybe I shouldn't be posting this information, since I'm indirectly advertising a clearly unhealthy food, but I thought this was a pretty big deal.

If anyone has had such a Twinkie, please provide a review in the comments section. I have one specific question- is the cream yellow or white?

Here is a link to the story from the Week in Review section of today's New York Times.

Also, as a side note, the Sunday Times is a remarkable literary achievement. The fact that they crank out such a massive paper on a weekly basis is extremely impressive. I spent half my morning reading it, and it was very satisfying.

The Top Five Cereals of All Time

When Miller and I started this blog, we had planned on doing a litany of lists. We were going to list our top movies, top musicians, top fruits, top dinner utensils, and of course our top desserts. We thought it'd start some nice conversation in the comments section, and give us a chance to share our often eccentric taste.

For some reason, two weeks since this blog's birth, we have yet to pursue this vision.

Well here's a start.

With Miller still out of town, I will hold off on listing my favorite desserts. Instead, given Kellogg's recent decision to stop marketing certain "unhealthy" products, I thought it'd be appropriate to list my top five all time cereals.

Here are some things, in addition to taste, that I considered while making the list:
-crunch factor
-presentation
-destruction time (how long it takes for milk to render the cereal inedible)
-Toys given away in the box

Nutritional value was not taken into account.

Here are the top five cereals of all time:

5. Corn-Pops
The one problem with this cereal is that you sometimes get a bad pop. However, the good ones more than make up for the few bad.

4. Fruit Loops
Maybe it's just because Kellogg actually advertised this to me when I was little, but I have always loved Fruit Loops. I think its the first cereal I ever had in milk. The color combos are a big plus as well.

3. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Screw the milk. This cereal is tremendous when it is dry.

2. Razzle Dazzle Rice Krispie Treats
This is a real throwback. For a limited time only, this incredibly cereal was the highlight of my day. It consisted of a rainbow array of rice krispie like pieces. It is a real shame that this cereal is no longer made, yet regular Rice Kripie cereal still is.

1. Berry Berry Kix
The perfect cereal. It's good with or without milk, with or without a spoon, during breakfast, lunch, or dinner. It has it all: presentation, crunch, and a remarkable, fruity taste. When cereal was first thought up by some chef in Ancient times, Berry Berry Kix is definetely what he had in mind.

Honorable mention: Honey Combs, Honey Nut Cheerios (the fact that it lowers cholesterol was not factored into this ranking), Post Raisin Bran

Most overrated cereal of all time: Lucky Charms

Also, as a side note, cereal should never contain chocolate.

Farewell Toucan Sam, It Was Nice Knowing You

I feel bad for the youth of America.

A few weeks ago, I read an article in the "Dining Out" section of The New York Times denouncing the beloved kid's menu. It described how some restaurants are replacing the chicken-finger and fries filled menu with healthier "adult" alternatives.

"In short, I came to the realization that America is in the grips of a nefarious chicken-finger pandemic, in which a blandly tasty foodstuff has somehow become the de facto official nibble of our young," David Kamp describes in the article, "Don't Point That Menu at My Child, Please."

Now today, I read another article in the NYT describing how The Kellogg Company is going to phase out advertising towards children 12 and younger for products that don't meet certain nutritional requirements. Included in the list of "unhealthy" products includes Fruit-Loops, Apple Jacks, and Pop-Tarts.

I long for the days when I woke up to a bowl of fruit loops, and chomped on my chicken fingers and fries for dinner. Even now, I am trying to get my dinning hall to supply Fruit Loops.

Kid's menus were awesome. I got crayons and mazes to go along with my fantastic fried food. While adults had to laboriously cut through steak or split cookies in half, I could gorge my self with ketchup, curly fries, and fat.

I don't have a full picture of myself on this website, but I'll tell you now that I am not obese. This is for two reasons:
1) I didn't eat this unhealthy food everyday, every meal; my mom wouldn't let me.
2) I played sports, not video games.

Eating Fruit Loops and curly fries was an exceptional part of my childhood, and future generations should be able to experience the same gastric experience. Unhealthy foods shouldn't be eliminated; kids and parents should just learn how to live properly with them. Let's not take the fun out of eating.

Since I now I have such a large 12 and younger audience, here is my own, personal advertisement for Kellogg Products:

Eat Fruit Loops!
Eat Pop Tarts!
Stay Away from Apple Jacks (they're not that good).
And play P-Wee football, rec basketball, or Little League.
Not only will you stay in shape, but you might meet Harold Reynolds!

Fixing the Downtown Amherst Eating Scene

To all of our Minnesota and Connecticut readers I apologize, but this post will solely focus on Amherst. This post has to be made.

Currently, the best eatery in all of downtown Amherst is Subway. This is not to degrade Subway. It’s a fine restaurant with fair prices and filling meals. Yet, Amherst—an alleged “College Town”—can do better.

Before I continue, I must make an important note. I am writing this from the perspective of a college student. Maybe the sit-down, twenty dollar restaurants are great, but I couldn’t care less. Amherst houses over 20,000 college students, and the town should do more to support it—it could bring in a lot more money in the process.

The basic premise of my solution is that Amherst needs greater number of cheap, basic eateries.

For one, it needs a fast food restaurant with a grill. I know Amherst is opposed to chains (see- bookstores), and this restaurant does not have to be a chain. Set up some “mom and pop” shop that sell burgers, hot dogs, grilled chicken, and fries. Stick some soft served frozen yogurt in there along with fair prices, and business will boom. If such an eatery already exists, please tell me, because I’m dying to find one. Currently, the only place that I know which sells fast food hamburgers is Bart’s—a shop that primarily sells ice cream and has no business handling a grill.

Secondly, Amherst needs a deli. Not an overpriced, upscale one like the Black Sheep. And not an overpriced, chain one like Brueggers. In this case, I would even support a
“Mom and Pop” shop. It should have cheap, hot bagels baked on the premises. It should have a full slate of deli meats. And it should have a friendly feel.

This evening, as I was driving home from Wal-Mart, Miller was with me in the car, and he said that he saw a fellow Amherst student walking back to campus. We conjectured that he was walking back from McDonald’s. McDonald’s is at least a mile from campus, if not two.

This boy walked two miles to eat at McDonald’s.

I’ll say it again—this boy walked two miles to eat at McDonald’s.

This is pathetic. But it is not his fault. It is simply representative of the sad state of Amherst’s downtown eating options. They are simply too upscale and expensive for college students. Maybe townies like the expensive, sit-down restaurants; they can keep them if they want. However, there should be more eateries targeting college students.

When I told Miller what I was writing about, he told me the solution is for Amherst students to simply not eat. I suppose he may be right for now.

However, if my proposed improvements are implemented, this would not have to be the case. Amherst downtown has so much potential, it just needs a couple more mom and pops to open up some restaurants that cater to college students.

The Amherst Town Food Scene: Weak, Expensive, and Mildly Offensive.

Meals are supposed to make you feel good. They are supposed to be a reliable, relaxing break from whatever twists and turns define your day. I just had a meal in town, and it did not make me feel good.

For starters, I headed to the Black Sheep (a deli/bakery with quite the good reputation). I had wanted to go to the always satisfying Subway but my eating partner insisted we get something of more substance.

Yet, we now know that the Black Sheep is not the place to go for something of substance.

We both got hot corn beef sandwiches, mine completely plain and his crammed with all sorts of condiments. Upon being served my plain corn beef sandwich, the server told me, “Jonathan, you have strange eating habits.” Ouch.

I gave her six dollars for my tiny corn beef sandwich, and she gave me an insult on the side. Under no circumstances should a server make judgments on a person’s eating habits. It is poor etiquette and in most cases, a dumb business decision.

After this underwhelming meal, I needed more.

All day, while walking through the blistering heat, I had decided I wanted to do one of two things: go for a swim or get a cup of frozen yogurt. The pool was closed by the time I got out of the lab, so getting frozen yogurt was the only option.

I decided to go to Bart’s, since Ben and Jerry’s does not sell frozen yogurt (I think). This was a giant, monumental mistake.

I ordered my fat free, vanilla yogurt thinking I would be getting a heaping mountain of soft-served yogurt—the price I paid sure made it seem like I should.

Yet, the server went for a scooper upon my order! There was no soft served yogurt! There was hard frozen yogurt!

I never knew such yogurt existed. It shouldn’t. The beauty of frozen yogurt is its smooth, creaminess.

Ice cream is hard, yogurt is soft. This should be a given, before tonight I thought it was.

My experience this evening was emblematic of the flawed Amherst town food scene. In a post later tonight, I will propose some solutions to rescue it from the sad state it is currently in.