How to Fix "Who's Now"

I woke up this morning to a nice little thunderstorm. With all of my day plans ruined by the bad weather, I headed towards the television in the common room. The first time I went, there was some kid passed out on the couch. But an hour later, he was gone, and I was finally able to watch some TV.

About a half-an-hour into my TV viewing, I was met by my old friend--Who's Now. It was Lebron James v. Derek Jeter.

Stuart Scott went around the panel to get initial thoughts on the match-up. Unknowingly, panelist Mike Greenberg came up with a way to some how make Who's Now great.

He said that his four year old kid would only be able recognize two athletes, and they are Derek Jeter and Lebron James. At first, I was some what taken aback. ESPN's paying him just to tell us who he kid recognizes? But then I realized that Greenberg was in fact on to something huge.

For the Final Four of Who's Now, I propose that ESPN bring in a panel of four-year-olds. For each match up, Stuart Scott should place a picture of the two athletes on different sides of the room. Whoever's picture the toddlers go to should win.

Now, does anyone know of any four-year-olds starring in summer movies?

ESPN 1, Me 0

ESPN won. They put Jessica Biel on Who's Now and I went out of my way to watch it. I don't feel very good about myself right now. For the first time ever, I felt some shame while watching ESPN, and I kept looking over my shoulder as the segment ran on.

Here is the reason Biel gave for choosing Steve Nash over LaDainian Tomlinson:

"I know what that guy looks like, and he's pretty hardcore."

Clearly, Biel was chosen to be on the panel for her sports prowess. I see a bright ESPN future for her. A Tony Kornheiser-Jessica Biel combo on PTI seems quite inevitable and unbeatable.

Given the ratings boost that I'm sure accompanied Biel's appearance, I can see an ESPN buyout of Playboy coming in the next 5-10 years.

Who Needs Harry Potter? Kenny Mayne's Writting a Book!

One of the funniest segments I've ever watched on TV was ESPN personality Kenny Mayne trying out to be a ball-boy at the U.S. Open. It was priceless to see his interaction with the high school kids who were simply looking to get a great summer job (sorry, YouTube doesn't have a video).

Now, instead on TV, we've got Who's Now...

Anyway, Kenny Mayne has apparently written a book. Awful Announcing dug up a YouTube clip to prove it. I am not too sure how much I want to read a book by Kenny Maybe--comedy on TV does not necessarily translate to comedy in print. To be perfectly honest, I find his sarcasm to be a bit over-the-top at times. I'm not sure I even believe that Mayne wrote a book.

But I know I'm more likely to read something by Kenny Mayne come July 21 than something by J.K. Rowling. Sorry Harry, but I stopped caring about you two books ago.

ESPN Opens Up to the Blogging World (For Roughly Ten Minutes)

Over the past week or so, I've been doing my fair share of ESPN bashing. It is, after all, pretty impossible not to bash ESPN after watching a segment of Who's Now (?).

By way of Awful Annoucning I came across a radio clip from Scott Van Pelt's ESPN radio show. He interviews Will Leitch, the Michael Jordan/Babe Ruth/Tiger Woods/Joey Chestnut of sports blogging. They talk about why ESPN sucks as well as why so many sports fans are turning to blogs.

It's a pretty short clip worth listening to. Just hearing Leitch's voice on a ESPN broadcast made it worth it for me. Van Pelt's gets props for bringing Leitch onto the Network.

Also, in somewhat related news, guess who's going to be on the 2nd round panel for Who's Now? Jessica Biel!

Her vote will count for 10% of the total, while mine (if I bothered voting), would probably count for less than .01%.

They've got some really bright ones working at ESPN--such a subtle, clever move they made. Rather than cutting the terrible, meaningless, abysmal, laughable segment and admitting a mistake, they brought in the 2005 sexiest woman alive to boost ratings. Whoever thought of such an innovate idea ought to get a raise (chances are, some 15 year old kid recommended it to his bud as a joke and some ESPN exec. overheard it).

(Photo from adverbox.com)